Tips for surviving India:
HOARD SMALL BILLS. Those 1000 rupee notes the ATM at the airport spit out at you? Good luck spending them. They are worth ~ $16 US and represent a massive amount of money by Indian standards. Your street food, bottled water, short rickshaw rides will all cost between 20 rupees and 100 rupees, and nobody can change a 1000. You need to treat those bills like kryptonite and unload them any chance you get, like paying a restaurant bill, or buying a train ticket.
Tips for surviving India:
WEAR EARPLUGS. While I was expecting harsh poverty and trash everywhere, I was not prepared for the traffic. HONK...HONK HONK! The enduring picture of India for me will be the absolute chaos and deafening noise of the streets. It is impossible to have a calm walk anywhere in an Indian city. Vendors block the sidewalks forcing you to walk in the street. As you walk, you will be assaulted by car horns as rickshaws, taxis, scooters, bicycles come within inches of you. You most dodge cows, camels, dogs, pigs, vehicles driving the wrong direction, and of course 1.2 billion Indians who are all heading the same way you are at that very moment. Without earplugs your nerves will be quickly shattered. With earplugs the scene is bearable. The optimal choice is to wear earplugs and hire a rickshaw to take you everywhere. At least then you have some aluminum between you and that overloaded bus heading the wrong way right at you, honking and not moving over an inch.
Tips for surviving India:
FORGET ABOUT NIGHTLIFE. Indians consume about 3% as much beer per capita as do Americans. And all of this beer is consumed solely by males. In the rare chance that you find an actual bar in India, it will be full of ONLY Indian men drinking together. There will not be a single woman in the bar, and likely no tourists. Upon entry, you will be certain that you have stumbled into a gay bar. Nope, you've stumbled into India.
Indian Travel Tips:
MAKE PEACE WITH BEING CHEATED. You will be cheated, scammed, and ripped off at nearly every transaction you make. Your rickshaw driver will ask for 300rs for a ride that should cost 50rs. Even after you haggle to a still triple-inflated price, he won't take you to where you want to go. He'll insist on stopping by a "government certified" handicraft store. He will tell you the restaurant you want to go to is closed and take you to a fantastically overpriced one where he gets a kickback. After thwarting all of your plans he will drop you off with a smile and ask for a tip. That is if he even takes you where you want to go. He may not know the location and so just drop you anywhere. When you catch a rickshaw to the airport, the driver won't mention that rickshaws aren't allowed into the airport. He will just drop you at the "shuttle bus" a mile a way. The "shuttle bus" driver will inform you that the bus isn't leaving for 30 minutes, and you will surely miss your flight. Oh, but he knows a taxi driver that can take you right this very minute...for the outrageous yet official sounding exact fare of 695 rupees.
The man selling you an entry ticket to the Jaigarh Fort will charge you 100rs, though the sign clearly states 50rs. Remember when you asked to drop your bags in your hotel room before check in time? You'll be charged an extra night when you check out.
At every historic site "guides" will follow you and just start rattling off historic data, often inaccurate. If you do accept his services, he won't guide you much, but rather steer you to the corner of the site where his cousin is selling overpriced carvings. If you do buy a carving, he'll kindly offer to wrap the fragile piece for you. This is his opportunity to switch it with a lower quality piece, which you won't notice till back at your hotel.
Your restaurant will add a 10% service charge, and a 14% value added tax, and a 20% alcohol tax, and a 4% local government tax, unexpectedly inflating your bill by half.
Anytime you buy anything you will be shortchanged. At World Heritage Sites, the ticket vendor will "forget" to give you change for that audio guide.
At every religious site you will have to remove your shoes to enter, and then have to pay to get them back afterwards.
Fully 90% of people you come into contact with in India will be trying to cheat and scam you. You will also meet sweet, laughing schoolchildren who wave and shout "Hello!" and just want to get a picture taken with the funny looking white guy. You will meet some kind, curious people, who just want to know where you are from, and how you find their country. Occasionally these people will feel the need to say "I'm not trying to sell you something." as they see the mistrust in your eyes. You will, by necessity, cut off all interaction with the people of India. Every person that speaks to you will have to be considered a potential part of an elaborate scam.
You may not speak to an Indian woman for most days of your trip. You will see very few working in any public capacity. They will be in a separate train car., a separate part of the bus. Should you meet an Indian family, the husband will speak to you, the children may speak to you, the wife will not even make eye contact.
If you are a female traveler in India, god help you. You will be unabashedly stared at by every single man you pass for as long as you stay in their field of view.
